Winter in Summer
When I'm learning something new....consistently inconsistent is more my style...... because hey.... in order to get in a groove, create healthy habits that produce the results you seek, one has to build new neurological pathways in our brain. so that it is available to choose over our other unconsciously created pathways......... and that's why..... doing the little things consistently over time, leads to big results in the long run.....
It also means that when one falls off the wagon, whether it be writing regular emails, diet, exercise, quitting smoking, an exercise regime, a self-pleasure practice...... that you pick up from where you left off, yes it feels rusty, but the path doesn't go away....it merely remains incomplete, until you continue to build and strengthen it....... also remember......
Building paths in the brain takes time.... which leads me to today's subject I wanted to share with you.
It’s not the path that produces the result..... it’s you.
I call it The Ignited Path because when you step on it, and commit to showing up for yourself AND consistently do the work (even inconsistently consistently in the beginning)..... you ignite your soul, your body, and your mind..... to come into alignment with one another.
Sometimes alignment looks and feels like the season of winter..... everything slows down and becomes almost frozen like.
If we aren’t taught that everything in life is made up of cycles, like nature itself..... when winter comes we think we re broken, a failure, worthless....ect, ect, ect..... when winter comes into the area of our sexuality, we immediately think something is wrong.....
If winter settles in, we might confuse it as loss of libido, low desire, disinterest in our partner, just a blahhhh for life in general.
If someone had mentioned this to me 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have quite understood..... because I had been in winter mode for several years at that point..... kinda like you can't see the forest through the trees.......Back then I didn't know what it meant to listen to my body so of course I overrode my bodies signals, I kept having sex, thinking maybe this time would be better..... I didn’t know what I needed or wanted..... sex was a chore I did as regularly as I did laundry.... there was no joy, no ecstasy, no connection to my partner......
The advice available at the time was more like lighting candles, buying lingerie, experimenting with sex toys..... all of it seemed so superficial to me.... and irritated me immensely!
I know now that advice is good and works.... EXCEPT when your energy in winter..... that’s like telling someone to mow the lawn when it’s 3 feet under a blanket of snow.
So what’s one to do..... well if I’m honest..... I actually really dislike the answer because I like to take action steps, do something to speed up the process..... but like the winter in nature..... you wait.... you don’t fight it..... you slow down, get quiet and tune into the depths of your soul....
For me in a period of sexual winter (which I have been for the last couple months).... it doesn’t just affect my sex drive..... that blahhhhhh of life takes over everything..... there’s a lot of letting go, of responsibility of all kinds of things in my life, things I think I *should* be doing..... for example writing weekly blog posts.... as a busy mom speaking to other moms I know summer becomes chaotic, routines are all over the place.... and that means inconsistency sweeps in....
I’ll be the first to say when winter arrives my creativity drops, and I feel like I have nothing to say to my audience.
For me authenticity is more important to model than to push through, simply because other people say that’s the way to do it..... I do have the experience of my Myofascial Release work to fall on as proof as well, that the hold and wait approach is gentle, and gets better lasting results, with less pain....... I highly recommend you get authenticity integrated into your life as well.
You know what else I let go of in this winter of my sexuality.... bedtimes for kids..... granted they range in age of 16-11 so it’s not as important to me as when they were younger..... but I gave myself permission to go to bed when I was tired and trusted they knew how to shut off lights!
And my sexual self-care practice.... I show up.... and that’s about all I do.... I lay there in corpose pose for 15-30 minutes..... not touching myself..... not thinking.... just laying there flat on the floor.... it feels good to do nothing....
I also do occasionally fight winter, I have it in my head sometimes that as a sexual alchemy coach I have to always advise connecting to oneself.... then I remember I'm Bipolar and its better to honor my nature than to think I need to be a certain way for people to want to work with me....... so this week.... I'm not advising to connect to yourself in a physical sense.......
I’m asking you to honor exactly where you are at, let it be ok, don’t beat yourself up for not being a turned on radiant sexual sensual goddess if you aren’t feeling it..... allow alignment.... feel into nothing, feel your lungs rise and fall, hear the sound of you're breath..... if it’s summer outside where you are.... feel the warmth of the sun and lay in it and do nothing..... because....
after winter..... it’s spring!!!
