I Have a Confession
I have a confession.....
But first.....what do you want for 2019..... what do you desire to take place? AND let me ask you a question: Have you set a goal for growing your mind in 2019? Or cultivating more pleasure in your journey through motherhood?
Have you planned to invest in yourself? To put yourself in front of the right people, the right events & knowledge that will help you grow your mind and cultivate pleasure in your body?
Do you even have a vision of what you want out of your life in the next 5-10 years?
People overestimate what they can accomplish in a year, they underestimate what they can do in 5 years...... as mothers, time is a tricky slope as our children will most likely need us and derail even the best of intentions..... but that doesn’t have to mean quit moving towards and re-calibrating your vision......
I’m finding that, giving up on our vision, our dreams, our goals to be an attitude of failure. I may be wrong, but It’s becoming clear that it certainly doesn’t work for me. I load myself up with these expectations, and then I’m discouraged and demotivated when the results don’t live up to them.
I sometimes torture myself for not having accomplished everything that day or week, and Its no surprise to those that really know me I occasionally find myself down the road of an all or nothing mindset where since I didn’t achieve those outlandish goals, now none of it is worth it anymore. So I stop.
What about you? Sound familiar?
When the dust settled on the divorce I inadvertently went on a journey to reclaiming, reigniting and cultivating my sensual self..... which is how I got here in the online business world with the intention of emerging as a Sexual Alchemy Coach...... However knowing what got me there isn't what will get me to where it is I want to go..... so this year I'm consciously setting out to reclaiming and strengthening a different part of me, and maybe it’s time you did too......
Cause here’s my confession....
I LOVE to challenge myself and YET.....
I haven’t set any intentions or goals at New Years for 11 years..... and that was the first time in probably 8 years..... want to know why..... cause the man I was married to didn’t do it and had no interest in going there...... plus no one else around me did it..... I got tired of being the odd one, the dreamer, it started to feel like a stupid game I played all by myself, that no one in my real life was interested in.
I let his and other people’s realities leak into mine. It was almost as if I got the sense I was supposed to let life happen to me and stop thinking like a naive child that we really could create our own realities.
Letting life happen to me, burying that part of me that loves a challenge and competition to do and be better than I have in the past...... guess where it left me....
dead on the inside....
not radiant.....
just going through the motions of motherhood and marriage.....
some people like ‘the comfort zone’......
I fucking hate it.....
a rest stop is one thing..... but living your life there..... no thanks....
I’d rather die trying to break free and feel some freedom than be smothered by other people’s unconscious vision of how life is ‘supposed to be’ or what’s ‘age appropriate’ or ‘acceptable for a mother’......
and now on the verge of 43 I find societal pressure creeping in everywhere I turn....add in that I’m also a solo-parent & mother of four teens into the mix of how its supposed to look, and who I should be lest I embarrass them or be seen as competing with their youth (which is impossible.... because 43 & teenager are not even playing the same game!)
I don’t know about you but i'M TO YOUNG TO FALL ASLEEP AGAIN, and I’ve experienced to much to pretend that there isn’t more to life than meets the physical eye!
And it also seems just to complicate things a little more inside my head (I did say I like a challenge didn't I!!)......
With all that NOT setting intentions or goals each year, the more I stepped out into the online world a couple years ago, and saw everything be all about setting goals and intentions, I didn’t want to be just another voice spouting the importance of setting intentions, word of the year, how you want to feel in the new year and publicly declare anything..... it sometimes feels to over the top and over done..... thinking maybe if I just quietly go about my life people will notice..... duh..... that worked in childhood..... but it sure doesn’t work to build an online business does it!!
One of the issues I face with a bipolar brain, that allows me to stay off the pharmaceuticals..... is complete awareness of two choices coming up at the same time, two directions to always choose from and double the emotions flowing through me in two different directions..... it’s always a choose your own adventure in my world!!
So 2019..... watch out..... I’m bringing all of me into it..... I setting goals, intentions, how I want to feel, that word of the year..... AND I’m aiming for abundance in all areas of my life (that also includes abundance of sleep in case you’re first thought was ...’wow that’s a lot to take on!')
.... I am however going to sprinkle 2019 with some magic, fun, and lots of orgasms..... I’m also making room in my nervous system with being ok with fucking up this whole online business thing and not take myself to seriously while I light up the Ignited Path a little brighter and help others reignite their own lives in what ever way they desire!!
There is that one last thing I forgot to mention..... (I highly encourage you to take this and also make it your own)......I’m letting go of the pressure of time.... just cause i set them in 2019 and they might not happen in this year...... doesn’t mean it’s fail, it just means, just not yet..... gotta leave room for magic and sometimes that works in its own way on its own time schedule!
Which part of you do you want to reclaim, reignite, connect to or cultivate within???
Happy New Year Explorers!
