The Empty Nest Entrepreneur's Guide to Why You're Still Not Getting Anything Done
Because apparently parenting doesn't expire when they get a driver's license
Last week, some well-meaning soul (childless, obviously) told me I should have "so much free time now that the kids are grown." I had to excuse myself to answer a text from my 23-year-old about whether you really need to wash whites and colors separately.
Yes, Susan, my schedule is WIDE open. 🙄
The Myth of the Empty Nest
There's this magical thinking in the business world that once your kids turn 18, you transform into this fully autonomous being with unlimited time and energy to "focus on your dreams." Like somehow, the moment they get their high school diploma, your parent card expires and you can finally join the ranks of the professionally unencumbered.
Laughs in 2am "Mom, can you proofread my resignation letter?"
Let me paint you a picture of what "empty nest entrepreneurship" actually looks like:
You're finally sitting down to work on that important project. Your phone buzzes:
9:15 AM: "Mom, is this chicken still good?" includes slightly blurry photo
9:17 AM: "Actually, never mind. I ate it."
9:45 AM: "What are the symptoms of food poisoning?"
The New Emergency Services Department
Remember when emergencies meant Band-Aids and kissing boo-boos? Those were simpler times. Now you're running a full-service adult crisis management center with departments including:
The Career Crisis Hotline
Available 24/7 for:
Existential career meltdowns
"Is this normal workplace behavior?" consultations
Resume emergency services
"Should I quit my job?" strategic planning sessions
The Relationship War Room
Offering real-time support for:
Processing fights they haven't had yet
Decoding text messages
Red flag identification services
"Am I being reasonable?" reality checks
The Adulting Help Desk
Providing crucial guidance on:
Laundry color theory
Food expiration date interpretation
The mysterious art of making doctor's appointments
The complex science of filling out forms
But Tell Me More About Time Management
To all the business gurus telling me to "just schedule my day better," I invite you to pencil in:
Random existential crises
Emergency adulting consultations
2am bar pickup services
Spontaneous life coaching sessions
Real-time recipe clarification calls
Because nothing says "productive workflow" like getting a panic text about whether it's normal for an apartment to have that many spiders right before a client call.
The Reality of "They're Independent Now!"
Sure, they are! They independently:
Need relationship advice
Want career guidance
Seek financial wisdom
Request life coaching
Desire emotional support
Ask for recipe instructions
Require reality checks
All while you're trying to, you know, run a business.
A Typical Day in the Life
Morning: Plan to start work early. Reality: Spend an hour explaining why credit card debt is bad.
Afternoon: Schedule important meetings. Reality: Provide emergency emotional support during quarter-life crisis.
Evening: Catch up on emails. Reality: Explain why "but it's on sale" isn't a budgeting strategy.
The Truth No One Tells You
The secret to success isn't better time management or stronger boundaries. It's accepting that your business will sometimes take a backseat to:
Teaching basic life skills college somehow missed
Providing emotional support during adult growing pains
Being the backup plan they pretend they don't need
Serving as the human Google for all life questions
To All the Business Coaches Out There
Before you tell me to:
Structure my day better
Set stronger boundaries
Just focus
Turn off my phone
Let them figure it out
Remember: They might be grown, but I'm still their Google, their therapist, their life coach, their financial advisor, and their backup plan.
And yes, sometimes that means pausing my "hustle" to explain why fabric softener and detergent aren't the same thing. Because apparently that's not covered in college.
The Bottom Line
The nest might be emptier, but the job description just got longer. We're not free - we've just graduated from keeping them alive to keeping them stable.
So the next time someone tells me I should have more time now that my kids are grown, I'll just smile and check my phone - because I guarantee someone needs to know if their leftovers from last week are still good.
Written between explaining how to write a professional email and providing emergency emotional support about a bad haircut. Because that's what "empty nest" really means. 😉
P.S. If you need me, I'll be teaching someone how to make a doctor's appointment. Because somehow that's not an instinct you're born with.
P.P.S. Yes, I had to pause writing this three times to answer questions about whether that thing their boss said was passive-aggressive. (It was.)
P.P.P.S. Full disclosure: This post was crafted in collaboration with my AI thinking partner, born from real conversations where I ranted, raved, and processed the reality of parenting young adults while building a business. Because sometimes you need a judgment-free space to work through the chaos. (Want to know more about processing with AI? Check out my Permission to Process Guide - because even your processing partner shouldn't have a bedtime or charge by the hour.)