Business Advice from People Who Think Kids Run on Airplane Mode
"We all have the same 24 hours!"
Person whose biggest responsibility is keeping a succulent alive
Dear Business Guru With No Dependents:
"Just wake up at 5am!"
Someone who's never been up since 3am with a vomiting child
"Time management is easy!"
Person who doesn't have to manage 5 other humans' time first
"No excuses!"
Individual whose only deadline is their own
The "Rise and Grind" Translation Guide:
When they say: "Just batch your content!" They mean: "I've never had a toddler delete my entire work file"
When they say: "Time block your day!" They mean: "I've never had to abandon my schedule for a school emergency"
When they say: "Stop making excuses!" They mean: "My pet goldfish is very self-sufficient"
Advice from the Chronically Unencumbered:
"Just focus!"
Person who's never tried to work while a tiny human screams "MAMA" 67 times in a row
"It's all about priorities!"
Someone whose priority list doesn't include keeping other people alive
"Stop procrastinating!"
Individual who's never had to choose between work and a sick kid
To Every 23-Year-Old Business Coach:
Your morning routine:
Wake up
Meditate
Journal
Workout
Smoothie
Mom's morning routine:
Wake up (if you slept)
Keep tiny humans alive
Clean something that was just cleaned
Find the missing shoe
Negotiate with terrorists about breakfast
Remember you haven't peed since yesterday
Special Category: Fitness Influencer Edition
"Just eat less and move more!"
22-year-old with peak hormones to a perimenopausal mom of three
"No time for exercise is just an excuse!"
Person whose body hasn't been inhabited by another human
"Meal prep is so easy!"
Someone who doesn't have to cook for picky terrorists
The "Expert" Takes:
"You need better boundaries!"
Person with no tiny boundary terrorists at home
"Just hire help!"
Trust fund baby who thinks money grows on the family tree
"Delegate more!"
Someone who's never had to re-do all the delegated tasks anyway
Reality Check Corner:
Your "productive" day:
8 hours of focused work
Scheduled breaks
Peaceful lunch
Designated email time
Mom's "productive" day:
27 interruptions per hour
Lunch while standing
Conference calls from school pickup
Emails between soccer and homework
Meetings with surprise guest appearances
To The "No Excuses" Brigade:
Please tell me more about:
How to focus while sleep deprived for 5 years
Managing client calls during tantrums
Writing emails one-handed while holding a baby
Meeting deadlines during school holidays
Running a business from the pediatrician's office
Bonus Round: Special Recognition
🏆 Most Tone-Deaf Advice from Someone Without Dependents 🏆 Excellence in Assuming Children Are Optional Tasks 🏆 Distinguished Service in Privileged Time Management 🏆 Lifetime Achievement in "Just Do It" Simplification
And Finally, A Word About Those "Same 24 Hours":
Your 24 hours: Yours to plan My 24 hours: Negotiated with tiny dictators
But please, tell me more about how I should just:
Be more disciplined
Plan better
Focus harder
Want it more
Wake up earlier
Stop making excuses
While I finish this email between:
Making lunches
Finding lost socks
Kissing bruised knees
Checking homework
Managing meltdowns
Running a household
Oh, and keeping actual humans alive
P.S. Feel free to ignore this advice. I'll be here when your first kid shows you exactly how wrong you were.
P.P.S. And yes, I wrote this while hiding in the bathroom during my only 3 minutes alone today. 😉
P.P.P.S. Crafted with my AI thinking partner after the 47th '5am club' suggestion from someone who's never met a toddler. Want to process your own thoughts without the toxic positivity? Grab the Permission to Process Guide.